ADHD

I am having a severe ADD day….which in reality I think (according to Dr. Google), is actually ADHD.  I have never been formally diagnosed with this & have never even seen anyone about it, but I’m 99% sure this is what I have.  I am finally going to take the steps to see if I can get on some medication to help, because it is really starting to affect my productivity at work, and in life.  That sounded deep.  Anything with the word “life” to me sounds deep, unless you are talking about the cereal, and then, not so much.  I would like to start keeping track of some of the ways ADHD has made me feel as though I’m insane, and then maybe also keep track of how these things change on meds….if I go on meds….and if it changes things.  I do understand this is exposing a lot of my carefully hidden “crazy” to the world…or the 2 people that might read this including my mom.


First off, mostly because it’s the 1st thing that popped into my head…and I did in fact just stop typing for a second to laugh that popped looks like it has the word poop in it… ANYWAY, I’m going to talk about how me + church + ADHD = extreme frustration.


CHURCH


Every Sunday at church, a war goes on, it’s me vs. my brain…and my brain usually wins.  I’m all good until the priest gets up to do the homily, which for all the non-Catholics, is the talk given by the priest, that ties in to the readings for that day.  When the homily is going on, this is a rough summary of what goes on in my head (warning: if run-on sentences bother you, you might want to stop here).

Ok, he is starting the homily, you can do this, and you can pay attention the WHOLE time!  It’s going to be easy, just listen & don’t think about anything else. Oh crap, I already missed the beginning, what did I miss?  If I start off missing the very 1st words, I will have failed at hearing it all. Oh, did I just say crap at church? I don’t think that’s a good thing to do, well, it was in my head & not out loud. STILL, that’s not what I should be thinking in church…but really, how much trouble would I be in for saying crap, I mean, I don’t think I’m going to die & standing at the pearly gates being told “remember that time you thought the word crap in church….sorry sinner…no entry for you”.  Crap is not even that bad of a word, it’s not like I said shit…SHIT, I said shit…and I’m saying it again.  Dammit. Ah, now I’ve said like 3 bad words multiple times, I’m really not getting into heaven now. Stop saying bad words, no more bad words…only good words like kittens and puppies…ah puppies….like Ellie, she’s a puppy.  Ellie is so cute; I should take her on a walk later.  Unless I come home & something has happened to her, like she chocked on something.  She might have, she does tend to eat anything she can get into her mouth. That’s going to be so sad if she dies while I was at church.  I wonder if my boss will be mad if I don’t go into work tomorrow because my dog died.  I wonder how many days you get off if your dog dies.  Oh man, I’m missing the whole homily. I’m lost, what is he talking about? Ah, everyone is looking at me; they know I have no clue what he’s been saying. I’ll look over & smile at my mom, give her a look like “he’s so right, I agree with everything he’s been saying”.  I don’t think she’ll know I was just thinking about dead puppies. Why is that baby crying? Was he talking about something that makes babies cry? Please take the child outside, I can’t hear over the crying.  Oh, please stop the crying…stop…crying…stop…crying...seriously…stop…crying!  Why is the baby not in the church nursery, don’t the parents know the crying is driving everyone crazy. Or maybe it’s just driving me crazy; no one else seems bothered by the crying except me.  Oh why does that baby hate me, WHY WON’T IT STOP? It stopped, IT STOPPED! Yay, now I can listen to what Fr. James is talking about. Oh wait, he’s wrapping up, oh no, I didn’t hear anything he said. I have no idea what he talked about. Crap! Ah!!

ADHD affects many more aspects of my life; this is just one of them.  For instance, I just wrote all of this at work, so yeah, it affects work A LOT.  More on that later.